The puppies speak...er...write

Hi, my name is Abby – as in Gnome Hill’s Abby Road? Which is something to do with music or some old group Da Mama, like, listened to back in the ancient times when people had, like, these things, ya know? Like, they went around and around? Anyway, like, Da Mama? Named us all, like, after these guys or what these guys, like, sang?

By us I mean like me and my brothers and sisters. I’m the youngest which is, like, so lame because they all think they’re so, like, smart and I’m so, like, dumb, so I’m, like, “Whatev-er” ‘cuz they never let me say anything anyway so, like, duh, ya know?

First there’s my brother Hokie, who’s kind of a nerd, all skinny and all and I’m like, “Dude, eat a sandwich or something,” which he does, like, all the time, but he still looks like that Bono guy should, like, feed him or something.

Then there’s my brother Nanook who’s, like, really, really uber-big, like Godzilla or something and he’s the only one who can, like, take the boney from Toppergetdown and not get, like, creamed because Toppergetdown doesn’t like anyone to have a boney but him, so he, like, takes all the bonies and keeps them on his bed and I’m like “Whatev-er, Dude,” but Nanook really like the boney and he doesn’t care when Toppergetdown growls about it, he just, like, takes whatever boney he wants and then he’s like all, “Suck it up, Dude,” and Toppergetdown is all, “Grrr, Grrrr,” and I’m like, “Shut up.”

This is my oldest sister Breeze and she’s really nice because she, like, let’s me chew on her ears and her tail and stuff and doesn’t go, like, whining to Da Mama like someone else around here. And Breeze doesn’t talk much and I’m like, “What’s that about?” because we’re puppies, right? Like, we’re supposed to make noise.

After that comes my brother Ringo who hogs all the Snausages and knows where Da Mama keeps them and whenever he sees Da Mama he’s all like, “Gimme a Snausage! Gimme a Snausage!” and jumping on Da Mama and Da Mama is like, “Off, Ringo! Off!” and even I know “off” means not to, like, jump up on Da Mama, but Ringo is, like, “Duh.”

And then there’s my sister Sadie, who’s got, like, A BIG LOUD MOUTH and who THINKS SHE’S SO HOT and all and she’s, like, always in trouble with Da Mama for nipping and sometimes she, like, tries to nip me because she thinks because she’s older than me she’s allowed to and she’s, like, “You have to let me nip your butt,” and I’m like, “Get away from me, Skank,” and she’s like, “You’re a skank,” and I’m like, “No, you’re a skank,” and she’s all, “Real snappy comeback, Geek,” and I’m like, “Whatev-er” and she’s like “Whatev-er.” But when someone nips her butt, she’s all like, “Wahhhhh! Abby nipped my butt! Wahhhh! Wahhhh!”

Oh and there’s my mom, who’s not Da Mama, but, like, my real, biological mother? She doesn’t pay much attention to us because she mostly sleeps all day? Which is fine with me because when she’s awake she’s all, “Be a good Dah-ling and fetch Mother a martini” or “Can’t someone put a muzzle on that chatterbox,” like, meaning me, like I talk too much or something?

So I’m, like, “Whatev-er.”