Miracle?

Well, Dah-lings, all I want to know is, who called it The Miracle of Birth?

The Zsa Zsa is not happy. The Zsa Zsa was mislead and there will be repercussions.

Miracles, in case you haven’t heard, Dah-lings, involve heavenly light and angels singing. Pain and groaning are not usually miraculous accompaniment. And I’m pretty sure miracles do not end with EIGHT GERBILS CRAWLING ALL OVER THE ZSA ZSA!

I don’t know whose idea this was, but I have a feeling That Woman was involved in the decision. Thank Dog someone showed up who had a clue.

But gerbils? And they all seem to know The Zsa Zsa and follow The Zsa Zsa all around the Pen of the Huge Dog Head until The Zsa Zsa just has to give up.

I tell you, Dah-lings, I will put up with only so much of this and then it’s off to Boarding School for the lot of them. I’ve already arranged an education for half of them. Three will attend The Sor-Bone. No, not that place they send uncouth people, The Sorbonne, in France. This particular academy is in Germany and accepts only the finest quality applicants. The other will be send to Great Britain to attend Eatin’, which, The Zsa Zsa would like to point out, turned down the Royal Family, who was then forced to send their puppies to Eton.

A few will remain in this country to spread the word of the magnificence that is Zsa Zsa to the far-off lands of Maryland and West Virginia.

A few will remain here to wait upon The Zsa Zsa, a task that seems to be beyond the capability of That Woman, who has yet to recognize The Zsa Zsa’s need for a private spa and personal trainer.

And, perhaps, Dah-lings, they will soon stop looking like cat bait. One can only hope…

And Lo!...

Our Lady of Gnome Hill

The Angel of Dog came unto the Zsa Zsa and said to The Zsa Zsa, "Be not afraid, The Zsa Zsa. For The Zsa Zsa is favored of Dog. The Zsa Zsa shalt bring forth unto the world that which is The Litter among litters and all will rejoice at the coming of The Litter."

So The Zsa Zsa says to the angel, "How can this be? The Zsa Zsa is pure and virginal, even when The Zsa Zsa went to see the Beloved Q of Bayshore, I swear to Dog -- we only held paws and talked about politics..."

And Lo! The Angel of Dog snickered, yea though The Zsa Zsa wouldst be insistent. "Dost thou not know that already thou art with Litter? And that Litter wilt be a light unto Dogdome and Lo! Six is the number of The Litter; Six is The Litter of the Almighty Dog; The number is Six -- give or take..."

"Don't you know, what with being the Angel of Dog and all?" The Zsa Zsa said unto the angel.

Yea though she would plead, the angel would tell her no more of The Litter. And the angel left her.

And The Zsa Zsa went amongst the people of Virginia and announced the Coming of The Litter, though still a Zsa Zsa of purity and virtue.

And Lo! There was much rejoicing and passing of clam dip and various spirits amongst the people, who also snickered.