A Goodwill Trip

You know, Dah-lings, The Zsa Zsa realizes that not everyone who is an admirer of The Zsa Zsa is able to make the trip to gaze upon the magnificence that is The Zsa Zsa.

Not all The Zsa Zsa’s admirers have lackeys to transport them. There are even those of The Zsa Zsa’s species who do not travel anywhere. They stay at home always and are treated like….pets.

The Zsa Zsa realizes the plight of these poor, impoverished beasts living in third world squalor without an inkling that somewhere is a wonderful place where there is The Zsa Zsa all the time. And so The Zsa Zsa must make her mission of mercy to the poor and suffering of Northern Virginia, as a sort of Angelina Jolie of the canine world.

So That Woman brought me to the house of the Rudy and he was permitted to look upon all that is The Zsa Zsa.

How can I describe the joy on his mug when the Rudy was permitted to gaze and sniff The Zsa Zsa! There is something so … so … endearing about a subject who knows his place when I tear his face off in my presence.

And then there was the performance in honor of The Zsa Zsa: the squirrel juggling, rope wrestling, and musical aria.

Of course there were the many offerings that are only The Zsa Zsa’s due, after all, and the permitting of the rabble to stroke The Zsa Zsa’s head, which is all part of the kindness that is The Zsa Zsa.

Oh yes, That Woman was there, knocking back the wine and feeding her face without a thought to The Zsa Zsa. Luckily there were among the throngs two others who appreciated the excellence of The Zsa Zsa and observed the usual protocol of praise and mass quantities of treats so important to the happiness of The Zsa Zsa.

I must admit, I had forgotten, living with That Woman, what proper adulation of The Zsa Zsa should involve. Apparently those of the Northern Virginia have not forgotten the old ways of Zsa Zsa worship and am considering throwing That Woman out of The House of Zsa Zsa in favor of The Woman of Many Treats and the Lesbian Pirate Ninja Witch.

However, as you well know, charity work can become a trifle tedious after awhile and, quite honestly, The Zsa Zsa found watching the Rudy sleeping a tad boring, though I’m sure his dreams were filled with visions of The Zsa Zsa.

So The Zsa Zsa told That Woman to wrap it up, received The Zsa Zsa’s well-deserved parting honors and tears of gratitude, and drove off in the Zsa Zsa-mobile to the exile palace of squalor.

Linguini Canines Tonight

Crack canine correspondent Salt here, with the latest gossip about the Linguini doggie world.

Bling, Bling

Da Mama showed up with some pretty fancy bling, bling courtesy of a certain diva's ex-person. Who's the Aussie though? If you ask Her Royal Highness, she'll claim it can be the Zsa Zsa and no other.

"Look at the noble bearing, the focused, intelligent expression, Dah-ling. It could be no other than moi!" she said recently while chewing on my neck recreating at a local spa.

Da Mama refused to comment on whether the dog in question was indeed Her Snootiness or Topper Get Down, speaking of whom...

Lookie, Lookie

Ever wonder why a certain "purebred" never saw the inside of a show ring and was immediately whisked away to a "posh spa" shortly after his arrival to the Linguini scene?

Well, get a load of what the paparazzi caught going by this week.



Ain't no amount of bait-throwing going to make those ears perk up. He gets his ear wax cleaned out every time it rains. He could fly to Argentina with those wings!





Meanwhile...






The infestation continues.


That's all from the Linguini canine front. Until next time, keep yer paws on the ground and your tail out of the door!

Today Topper is Good Boy!

Topper here cuz Zsa Zsa in biiiiiig trouble.

Da Mama say, "Bad girl, say mean things about Polly. No computer for you, Zsa Zsa."

So Topper here. Good dog, Topper. Topper is a good boy.

Topper show you pictures. Pretty pictures da Mama came home with. Da Mama show Topper pretty pictures because today Topper is not Bad Boy Topper.

Look at the pretty picture Da Mama show Topper.



See?

Topper doesn't know what it is a pretty picture of, but Da Mama say, "Awwwww." And Daddy say, "Awwww."

Da Mama's puppies say, "Ewwwwwww. What the hell is that?" and Da Mama get mad and yell at the puppies. She says the puppies are saying bad things just like Zsa Zsa.

But Da Mama still not mad at Topper because today Topper is Good Boy Topper.

Then Da Mama show me this pretty picture.



I still don't know what it is, but it sure is big!

So Topper see all the pretty pictures and the Topper watch Mr. Tsssst* with Da Mama on the bed cuz Topper Good Dog.

Zsa Zsa and Da Mama not speaking. So Topper is Da Mama's special dog.

So Zsa Zsa called Topper a bad thing, but I won't tell what it was cuz the Topper is not a tattletale. The Topper has no tail at all!

*The Dog Whisperer

To my close, personal friend, Polly

My Dear, Dear Friend, Polly,

The Zsa Zsa has heard you have had a blessed event and the Zsa Zsa would like to extend warm wishes to you and your little brats brood!

Why Dah-ling, I didn’t even know you were …you know…on the nest, as we politely say. And don’t you worry, Dear. The Zsa Zsa is sure your intended will do the right thing. I wouldn’t believe a word of what everyone says about him being a “stud” and a “dog.” He’ll get around to settling down and making you an honest little whore bitch. Someday.

And how are those filthy darling little beasts puppies? The Zsa Zsa was just ecstatic to find out that they are all as fit and healthy as can be expected when the mother is so trashy healthy.

At least you have my close male relative, The Bedford, living with you to provide your offspring with an example of good breeding and refinement. Though they may never attain the level of superiority The Bedford has attained, they cannot help but benefit from his leadership qualities, in spite of their maternity.

The Zsa Zsa does wish you well, Dah-ling, as well as the Zsa Zsa has ever wished you when we lived together in the peace and harmony that can only be found in the presence of the Zsa Zsa.

You are like a sister to me, you little bitch.

Love, the Zsa Zsa

Editor's Note: Zsa Zsa doesn't like it to get around that Bedford is her son and that she lost custody of him to his father. She claims she is too young to have had puppies. We just let her live in her little fantasy world.

Polly's "intended" is actually Milwin Legend of Bayshore.

Puppy pictures will be forthcoming, since Ms. Zsa Zsa may be on disciplinary leave.

The Ball

By Gaspode

Throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball……………………………………………..

THE BALL!!!!!!!!!!!

There’s the ball there’s the ball there’s the ball there’s the ball there’s the ball there’s the ball…got the ball got the ball got the ball got the ball got the ball got the ball……..

Throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball THROW THE BALL THROW THE BALL THROW THE FREAKIN’ BALL……………………………………………..

THE BALL!

Where’s the ball where’s the ball where’s….

YOU GOT THE BALL NO FAIR YOU DIDN’T THROW THE BALL

THROW THE BALL THROW THE BALL

THROW THE BALL

THROW THE BALL

THROW THE BALL

THROW THE BALL

THROW THE BALL……………………………………………………

I SAW IT THAT TIME YOU DIDN’T THROW THE FREAKIN’ BALL

THROW THE BALL THROW THE BALL

THROW THE BALL

THROW THE BALL

THROW THE BALL

THROW THE BALL

THROW THE BALL……………………………………………………

THE BALL!!!!!!!!!!!

There’s the ball there’s the ball there’s the ball there’s the ball there’s the ball there’s the ball…got the ball got the ball got the ball got the ball got the ball got the ball……..

Throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball THROW THE BALL THROW THE BALL THROW THE FREAKIN’ BALL……………………………………………..

THE BALL!

There’s the ball there’s the ball there’s the ball there’s the ball there’s the ball there’s the ball…got the ball got the ball got the ball got the ball got the ball got the ball……..

Here’s the ball.

Here’s the ball.

HERE’S THE BALL!!!!!

COME BACK HERE!!!!! HERE’S THE BALL!

(Snort)

Chew the ball chew the ball chew the ball chew the ball chew the ball chew the ball chew the ball…

(Sigh)

(Snore)

The Fabulousness that is The House of Zsa Zsa

Here is The Palace of the Zsa Zsa in all its glory!

Here is The Throne Room of the Zsa Zsa. That Woman thinks it is her office, because I spoil her so. I treat her like a dog instead of my human pet.

This is the Throne Room of That Woman.

Here are the slave quarters.

Here is where The Meals of The Zsa Zsa will be prepared.

Here is The Zsa Zsa’s private living quarter.

The Zsa Zsa will be granting audiences at the end of June. Call That Woman for an appointment.

If she ever gets off her throne…